Mommy Mayhem

Um, I'm sorry, WHAT?

2010-12-19T06:49:00.000-08:00

That would be my reaction to finding out I'm pregnant. Actually, that WAS my reaction, sometime in mid-October. And that is the reason this blog has not been updated for such a long time. I just knew I couldn't write it without talking about this new development, and we were not ready to share those particular news with the blogosphere. But now, when I'm well (ok, a week) into the second trimester, I think it's time.
So, around the beginning of October I was getting really tired. Like, in bed by 9pm tired (that's really early for me, considering Adam only goes to bed at 7:30, and then there's the adult dinner making and eating etc.). My husband said, well, you're back at work, you have a lot going on, it makes sense. So I assumed that was the case. I was also really hungry, but I thought it was due to the fact that I've been trying to cut back on my portions (still has some baby-weight left...). But then, I was pretty sure my period was late, and I started smelling things I usually don't. So I thought, I'll just get a kit when I'm the store, and just pee on the stick to get some peace of mind. Saturday night I finally remember the kit I bought a few days ago and I tell my husband I'll do the test in the morning. He goes to sleep pretty late typically (working until 2am, which is something I gave up on understanding), so he emails me, jokingly, wake me up if you're pregnant. With a smiley face. 5am I wake up for some unknown reason (Adam probably made some noises, he talks in his sleep), and I really need to pee. So I groggily take out the test, and try to aim at the stick. A minute later, I'm WIDE awake. Freaking two stripes. Two stripes?? But that's a positive. What the...??
So I go wake up my husband. He asked, after all. We spend an hour talking about this, and come out with the decision that, well, since we were planning on two anyway, and it's really just a year or so early, it's not worth taking dramatic measures (that is, to terminate the pregnancy. Sorry if I'm offending anyone, but it was an option at that point). So, I get up to take care of Adam, who woke up at 6, as per usual, with this in my head.
It's been a roller coster, that's for sure. I wasn't planning on this. It took me completely by surprise. I'm going to have 2 kids under 2 in the house in a bit less than 6 months. Also, it's not going to be THIS house. Our condo is just too small for everyone, so we bought a new place - three bedroom old house, in a neighborhood that is close to the center but family-oriented. We're beginning to settle down... :) The new house is 15 minutes walk from the university, so that's a big plus for me. Adam will still be going to daycare, and I'm having my parents, then my mother-in-law, then my sister to come stay with us and help out. I'm finding out about all sorts of people I know who are pregnant and have around the same schedule as we do, so that will be lots of fun.
I'm so NOT a stay at home mom. And yet, I'm going to stay home next year, and take care of another baby. Didn't see that one coming, let me tell you that. On the other hand, I'm starting to get used to the idea of another year at home. First few months I'll have help, and this time I've learned my lesson and baby and I are going to ALL the activities this city has to offer. Strollercise, baby salsa, baby time at the library, mom and baby coffee, we'll be out of the house most of the day, really. At least, that's my plan. We'll see what happens.
Mean while, between buying a new house, selling our condo, baking for Christmas (even though we're JEWISH), and the final exams I have to mark, this has been a crazy week. Apparently, the universe (or something) likes keeping me on my toes. So be it. I say, bring it on.

A hard week

2010-11-06T11:45:00.001-07:00

This was one of the hardest weeks I had ever. I hate complaining publicly (I do my melt downs at night, with only hubby there), but this one really was. My husband was swamped with work (not that it will change next week...), Adam had a fever and had to be home from daycare, and I was not feeling so great myself (not that it will change next week...). On weeks like these, I strongly reflect the benefits of going back home, finding a dead-end job that doesn't require any real brain power (or dealing with people), and using grandparents' services profusely. I know I won't be happy if I do that, so I stay. But it sure is tempting.

Happy first birthday, baby Adam!

2010-10-25T13:53:00.001-07:00

My baby turned 1 last week. Between running down to get balloons and making cake for all our guests (two birthday parties!), I had some time to reflect. My baby boy is healthy, and well developing. He's eating well, sleeping well, and all in all a nice kid (TOUCH WOOD!!). We're starting to build a routine. OK, it doesn't always hold. For instance, no afternoon nap in daycare today, which means he's asleep now, instead of getting some mommy time. And my workload is now a bit decreased, as the grant applications are all done (woohoo!) and so is the (first) midterm marking. I'm going to have a committee meeting soon, in which we'll discuss my ideas and plans, and then (hopefully) it's off with Study 1 of my PhD thesis! Very exciting.
But, can our lives be, just for once, routine and boring? Nope. We have started looking for a house, because our lovely place is, sadly, just too small for us. We're planning on staying within the city, but we'll probably have to get a bit further away from main traffic channels, which for me is a bit of a downer. I love the area we've been living in, mostly because it's so diverse. Complete with coffee shops, bars, restaurants (Asian and otherwise), random little stores, and the incredible diversity of people - from chic professionals (who probably have a skeleton in their closet, more likely than not) to charming homeless people, and everyone in between. But I digress. More on our never-boring lives to come, when I have some time :)

Welcome to the juggler

2010-09-16T14:06:00.000-07:00

Back to school, eh? What if the person who goes back to school in the family is not the kid, but mommy?

I started back in my PhD program after Labour Day. It's been chaotic, insane, horrible, and incredibly fun, all the same time. It's been chaotic because I need to coordinate now my work as a teaching assistant, my work in the lab with my supervisor, my work on my PhD, my work on my grant application, and my role as a mom/house keeper. It's been insane because the amount of work, when you add it all up, comes to about 28 hours per day. It's been horrible because I see Adam between 6 and 7:30am and between 5 and 6pm, and weekends. That is, the weekends in which I'm not working on my grant application. And it's been incredibly fun because I LOVE LOVE LOVE what I do. All of it. The mailing from students who don't understand why I can't take notes for them in class (you have to BE in class!), and the fiddling with pictures of frogs and rainbows for the next task we give preschoolers, and reading articles with unnecessarily complex statistical analyses, and figuring out how to write a very complex project in one page with simple sentences, and picking Adam up from daycare and schlepping with him on the bus all the way back, and playing with him in the afternoon, and making dinner while he plays with daddy, and doing two loads of laundry after Adam is in bed and we had our dinner.

But sometimes I feel like I can't do it. There's just not enough time in the day for these two incredibly important things - my job and my family. And I can't give either of them up and be happy. So I just walk faster, and focus better, and try harder. It balances out eventually, right?

Drugs or daycare?

2010-07-30T12:25:00.000-07:00

Scary mommy, whose blog I follow religiously, was interviewed for a piece on CNN about parents who give drugs to their kids to keep them quiet or help them sleep, so that mommy could get some "me" time. Her comments were taken out of context as only reporters can, but all in all, what the stay-at-home moms say is that sometimes you give your kids over-the-counter drugs they don't need for a medical reason, because being with the kids all day is very hard.
Now, I completely agree with that. I agree that raising kids is a hard task, and being home with your kid all day is something I honestly don't understand how people do. I would (and have) go crazy. But what I don't understand is this: those moms STAY AT HOME. And when I say that I can't be with a baby all day, even if he's MY baby, and is, undoubtedly, the cutest baby EVER, they say that I just don't understand. That babies need their mom to be with them all day, every day.
So I ask: what's worse, drugging your kids to get some time off, or dumping them at daycare for half a day so you can get some time off?

Random thought

2010-07-30T12:17:00.001-07:00

I was at the campus library the other day. After reading a fuckload of articles in the last few weeks, I've finally cracked and sat at a word processor to write up some thoughts and get started on my document. I wrote down notes like what was my question, and how do I want to answer it. When the word asked me how to name the file, I called it "How to make my life easier". I was not in the greatest mood that day.

Now I have a file called "How to make my life easier" on the computer. Wouldn't it be hilarious and very fitting if I couldn't open it?

Adam's love of books

2010-07-11T05:56:00.001-07:00

The thing that fills me with immense happiness: Adam crawling over to the coffee table, takes out a book (ok, takes out ALL the books, scatters them on the floor, and picks one), sits up, puts the book in his lap, and starts flipping the pages. At 8.5 months. Definitely my kid :)

Momma on a bachelorette party??

2010-07-11T05:55:00.000-07:00

So one of my good friends is getting married next weekend, and last Friday was the bachelorette party. Now, here's the background. I don't like parties. In fact, I don't particularly like social gatherings in which there are more than 2-3 people. If I know EVERYONE, it can go up to 6-7 people, but really, that's it. Anything larger and I feel awkward and spend the event mostly drinking and feeling self-conscious. It's really not my favorite pastime, feeling self-conscious (although I do it A LOT), and so I try to avoid big social gatherings. Like a bachelorette party with 20 girls, of whom I know 3 including the bride. The bride was too busy being drunk, and I totally encourage that, so that leaves 2 people I know. Out of 20. Girls. All dressed in black dresses. Who the f*** sets a uniform for a party?
Anyway, I'm just being mean. The night was actually ok, and I DID look HOT in a black dress borrowed from my good friend D, who has black for any occasion. It was just very weird, to go out to bars, and get checked out by men, and all the time thinking about Adam...

The daycare dilemma

2010-07-11T05:54:00.000-07:00

So, even though we've decided, and Adam started daycare, and he's doing great in daycare, I'm still having a hard time. I'll try and lay out the dilemma as neatly as I can.
Pros for daycare:
1) Adam likes it there! He honestly does. Sure, in his ideal world I would have stayed there with him and played with him with all the neat toys and the fun teachers and the weird little two-teethed, diaper-wearing creatures who crawl around on the floor sometimes. But that would just be weird, wouldn't it?
2) I get a break. A much-needed, and I think well-deserved break. I get the mornings off to work on my research proposal, which is a critical step in doing my research, which is, in turn, a critical step in actually finishing my PhD. Or to get things done around the house, like cooking, and laundry. Or, some days, to get my hair cut, something I didn't do in the last year or so. The lady at the salon was shocked: "but, the last time you were here you were really very pregnant". I think she wasn't aware it was a temporary state.
3) After I get a break, I'm SO much better with Adam. I want to spend the afternoon with him, so I don't read or blog or play sudoku or whatever. I play with him, read with him, and I have a lot more energy to carry him around. My wrist tendonitis is also getting better.
Cons for daycare:
1) Adam-shaped hole all morning. It's really hard, and sometimes prevents me from being productive as I spend most of the morning crying. It's getting better though.
2) People think I'm not a good mom. I need to elaborate on this one, since it's a major issue I have. Before Adam was born, everyone (including my husband and I) assumed that I would WANT to be a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). I was saying that I would want to finish my PhD, but I assumed it'll be after the second (or third, if I get my way) kid will start school. However, I do not. I do not want to stay at home. I do not want to take care of Adam all day. It makes me feel like a bad mom saying this, but it's the truth. Someone (Jules, who is also a blogger) said that people should not have kids if they don't want to take care of them. It's a re-iteration of a position that is common in the modern world. It's the double-edge sword of being a woman in the modern world. You are expected to have a "job" (outside the house) AND a family, have a career AND stay home with your children at least until they are in school. It's physically impossible, but that doesn't prevent some people from thinking it's the right thing to do. Personally I think that it stems from women being unable to be kind to one another, but that's for another post.

The bottom line of this dilemma is that I feel guilty all the time for leaving him in daycare, but I can't NOT leave him in daycare. So what do you think?

Two weeks of firsts

2010-07-04T19:04:00.000-07:00

So it's been incredibly hectic around here. Mostly because we had a LOT of firsts in the last two weeks.
First off, two weeks ago on Friday, Adam crawled and sat up for the first time. I JUST missed the very first time, but since then I got to see lots of it. As I predicted, once he figured it out, he was OFF! Flying everywhere, chasing balls and toys and our dog all over the place.
Then, less than a week after that, his first tooth broke the surface. This entailed quite a few days and nights of no sleep and agonized crying, ameliorated only by OraJel. We love that thing. And of course, now that the bottom center-left tooth broke, its sister is right on its heels and we get another round of sleepless nights. But really, even if he didn't have the teeth to bother him during the night, the sleep-crawling and sleep-sitting surely would have. Every 30 minutes or so we go into his room to lay him back down, using the phrase "you can't sleep sitting up, silly". Or something along those lines.
And finally, last Monday was Adam's first day in daycare. And today is the last day of integration week, and I have an Adam-shaped hole in me. It's probably the hardest thing I EVER had to do. But on that in the next post... :)

The most horrible moment of my life

2010-06-25T20:22:00.001-07:00

Wednesday morning. After the usual wake-up routine, walk with the dog, and breakfast, I take Adam for a diaper change before nap time. I turn around to see that the diaper ginny is full and stuck, so I turn my back for one second to get it unstuck. I turn back to watch him hit the floor after rolling off the 3 feet high changing table. He hit the floor like a rag-doll, and for that one horrific, frightening, unthinkable moment, I thought I'm saying goodbye.
He screamed, of course, and woke my husband up, and freaked me out, and we went to the hospital. They were super-nice to us and incredibly professional and helpful, and examined him thoroughly, and said not to worry, he'll be ok. And he is. He got a bump on his head and it was quite tender for a day, but by the next day he forgot all about it. Except that he cries hysterically every time I put him on the change table. And I try not to, but I sometimes do too.
And I would like to say that everything's now, in perspective, is put into place. But it isn't, really. I still worry about his food and his naps and all those little insignificant things that make up our day. Because that's how life is with a baby. And soon I won't have that in the mornings - just adult stuff to worry about. And worry about him being away from me, and not knowing what he's doing every single minute. And I'm not sure I can do it. And other times during the day, I'm not sure how I'll be able to NOT do it.
Being a mom sucks sometimes.

Busy is good

2010-06-15T06:18:00.000-07:00

Busy days, especially when teething, are a good idea.

Yesterday we went strollercising in the morning, and that's always fun. Then we continued with a friend to eat lunch, and bused home because it was raining - major bummer. In the afternoon we went to the store to get groceries for the week. This week (second week in which I'm trying to plan meals for the week and get all the groceries at once) was a disaster. There are several things I still need and will have to go to the store again this week, and I forgot my wallet at home and had to call my husband to come and rescue me... how embarrassing...

Today we're planning a stroll out with a child-less friend who just finished her bar exams so she's spending some time with us before she dives into her internship (and we won't get to see her again, with the crazy hours). Then in the afternoon we're taking another child-less friend to the eye doctor in the mall. In between there's lunch, which I sure hope will go better than breakfast.

New foods while teething is NOT a good idea.

And in less than two weeks Adam goes to daycare...

A lot can happen in 10 days

2010-06-13T06:13:00.000-07:00

So, you know how 10 days ago I've decided to embrace motherhood? Well, little did I know what would happen two days later...

My husband called the daycare that was our first choice for Adam. We were starting to get a bit nervous about him having a spot for September, when I go back to school/work. And the lady at the daycare says, well, it's a good thing you called. Turns out they have a spot opening up June 28, and they don't know when the next spot will open up, could be as late as December, and would we like to come have a tour? We went to see the daycare that day, but we knew that we want Adam in that daycare. First, it has a fantastic reputation, it's supposed to be one of the best daycares in the city. Second, it's ON CAMPUS. Enough said.

So after a weekend of frenzied discussion (mostly by me), we've decided to take the spot. Adam will start with a "transition week" like everyone else, but after that we'll put him in for half days, something like 8-1, and he'll do the afternoon nap at home for a few weeks, until everyone gets settled into the new roll - Adam as a daycare student, me as a working mom, my husband as an out-of-the-house startup founder (he found an office space that looks promising). And then, by the time September rolls in, he can do longer days, including nap time. Or we see that this was a terrible idea, and I stay home for another year. I shudder.

Last night I had a major freak-out moment. I was in bed, the monitor is on, and my husband is out with the dog. And I can hear Adam breathing through the monitor. Honestly, it's one of the sweetest sounds in the world. But then I think, wow, there's a baby in the other room. I made a baby! Well, my husband helped. But still, there's a baby in the other room, and I'm responsible for raising him, caring for him, loving him... major freak-out, like I said.

I'm feeling unheard

2010-06-03T20:29:00.000-07:00

but oh well. A blog is supposed to be cool, right?
Cutest thing ever - Adam is talking in his sleep. Babbling, of course, he doesn't talk yet, but still. I guess you have to be there...
So my husband told me something the other day that got me thinking. I was saying how I feel like all I do is feed Adam, make food for Adam, and clean up after he eats. It's sort of true, what with my insistence on cooking at least most of his food on my own, and the fact that he insists on feeding himself, even though he really can't. It makes for one happy dog, at least... Anyway, my husband said, yeah, it's like this is your work. And he said, at least it's 7 to 7, it's not that bad - other people work harder. He meant other parents, but also there are people, like doctors, or start up founders (ahem) who work more than 12 hours a day, no?
Which got me thinking, like I said. I thought that many times I feel like he doesn't take my taking care of Adam as serious as his work. But he really does. Which got me thinking, that maybe when he says it's in my head, he really means it. Because he DOES take it as seriously as his work - this is my work now. Until September, my job is to take care of Adam. So I'm trying out a new thing. I'm embracing motherhood, in all its glory. The next day, I put on some sports pants and a tank top and went to the strollercise. Now, I like the strollercise, don't get me wrong, but some of the moms there are those exclusive moms. It can be a bit trying at times. But I did a little walk, and then sat there with the moms at the SB, and in the afternoon, sports outfit and all, I went with Adam in the stroller to check out my friend's new coffee place. See, here is where the gap begins to show. Anyway, I'm trying this out, like I said. Embracing motherhood. Stroller mom and all. If I stay sane until next week, I might even keep it up. The advantage of sports outfit: very comfy! It's like wearing pajamas outside! :)

So this is what happens when you take a baby out after bedtime

2010-05-31T07:08:00.000-07:00

He wakes up at 5:45 and refuses to go back to sleep. Then he's cranky all morning cause he's tired. However, he's napping now (over an hour already), which has given me some time to catch up with my coffee, and also make food for him. Of course, as I'm writing, he's stirring in his bed, and I find myself wishing that he won't wake up and give me another half hour just so that I can rest a bit... The thing about busy weekends is that you don't feel rested up as much, no?

Knock on Wood

2010-05-29T10:59:00.000-07:00

So this week, so far, has gone well. I had 4 dentist appointments (elch), but also one massage appointment and two Pilates classes. I also went with Adam to a moms fitness group who get together for a walk/run and then go to a Starbucks. I LOVED it. It was so nice to get out of the house and meet other moms. And I found that other moms could be interesting people. Sure, there are the moms who don't talk about ANYTHING but the kid(s). Which is why I was a bit reluctant to try yet another moms group. But I found several moms who did not become exclusive moms. Huh, I like that phrase. Exclusive moms are moms who only care about the kid(s), and had lost their own identity and personality and are now not very interesting. Kind of like Bella from Twilight, only she never had a personality. But I digress.
Also, any day in which Adam takes his naps well is a good day. The morning nap was easy today, we went for a walk - there is an annual big garage sale in Ottawa and we went to check it out - and he napped in his stroller. Check. And now the afternoon nap, I just put some music on, and down he went. I can live with that :)
Pilates class today was a beginner's class. I purposefully took a beginner's class to try and ease into classes, but apparently I don't have to. It was a breeze, and I was modeling for the teacher half the time. I guess I still have at least some core muscles left. It didn't feel like it before... So my goal for the summer: get back into pre-pregnancy shape. I'm sick of the slack I've cut myself so far. The strollercise run three times a week, if I can get into two that's good, three is fantastic. And at least one Pilates class per week. That should take care of the flabbelly I have left. By September, I should be back to my old shape, and good riddance. Then, my other goal for the summer: cram in some article-reading and/or some writing. I'll be back to work in September and I want to be ahead of the curve. I'm done with the housewife, hanging out in the house mode.
Happy Summer! :)

So much time, so little to do...

2010-05-26T14:44:00.000-07:00

I really like that expression. Bonus points if you recognize the reference.
So we're back from the 7 weeks trip. And we made it. We had a few rough patches. For instance, it was hard to tell whether Adam was waking up because we were sleeping in a new place, because he was sleeping with us in the same room and we were waking him up by snoring (?!?), because he was hungry, or because he was teething. Turns out he was hungry - we started solids while overseas. I don't recommend it, but it can be done.
And now we're back. We're trying to maximize our insurance use before it expires next week. This means dentist week. I don't know about other people, but I don't particularly like the dentist. Neither does my husband. So we do what we do with all the things we don't particularly like. We procrastinate. And so now we're trying to fit 6 years of dental treatments into a week. The dentist we've chosen for the task came highly recommended, and he loves us for it (where is the "irony" button when you need one?). Speaking of buttons, the dentist's ceiling is full of them. It's quite entertaining.
Interestingly, this week made me ready to go back to work. Just a few weeks ago I wasn't sure I even want to go back. My original plan was to go back for half days only, and skip the TAship in order to be able to take care of Adam in the afternoons. However, we found out that half-day child care is very hard to find, and is not available in our potential daycare (the one that's on campus and is very highly recommended). So, the new plan is that I go back full time, and take the TAship so that we can actually afford the daycare. My salary will go entirely into the daycare, and then we have to add some money. But there's just no competition in terms of how convenient this place is - it's right on campus. It's like, 10 minutes walk from my lab in summer. In the winter, since you take the tunnels, it's more like 15. So now my plan is to go visit Adam on a daily basis and spend an hour or so with him when the schedule permits it. We'll see how it goes. But back to my original point. I'm so completely and utterly bored with baby talk! He's really cute, don't get me wrong, and I love him to death. But he's just not much of a conversationalist, if you know what I mean. Well, he IS only 7 months old... I also get into these spins of panic where I research a topic to death and get all worried about him not developing or something of sorts. For instance, I'm pretty sure I can give a 15 minutes talk about baby food and no one will ever know I'm not a certified baby dietitian. I can tell you how much and what the baby should be eating at any minute of the day. I get crazy like that. Often.
In summary, I need to get out. And not just the baby-time at the library, although those baby-stuff are fun and help a lot in ways of creating a social network and helping to pass the time. I found that it's an extremely hard task to entertain a 7 months old. He gets bored really easily. And why has this week made me ready to go back to work? Because I left Adam with my husband and he lived. And I discovered that even a dentist appointment can have its benefits. For instance, you don't have to talk about the baby. In fact, you don't have to talk at all. Or sing. I like it.

Leaving on an airplane

2010-03-17T05:10:00.000-07:00

So today is the big day. We're starting our trip. And what a trip it is. We'll be away from our home for 7 weeks, including 5 days in Berlin, 6 weeks in Israel with both our extended families, and 6 different airplanes. We're very lucky and Adam and I are flying business all the way, but still - Ottawa-Frankfurt and then Frankfurt-Berlin; Berlin-Tel Aviv through Zurich (WTF??); and back through Frankfurt. And we have to take equipment for a month and a half, so we are packing the jumper, the gym, and all the other tools we are using to raise Adam. It makes you wonder - they didn't use to have so much equipment for babies, right? I can't see the west coast becoming populated if they had to pack jumpers for the babies - this thing is HUGE! At least we don't have to pack any food. That is, we have to pack clothes for mommy, but we were going to do that anyway.
This trip scares the sh!# out of me. I'm not even stressed about the flight - it's one night to Berlin, half a day from Berlin to Israel, and then a day back (that one will be a day from hell, but whatever). So a total of 1.5 days plus one night - not so bad. No, what scares me is not the flight, and not the jet lag (although he's bound to have problems with his routine given that the time difference is 7 hours), and not even the packing (which we are not done with yet. Our flight leaves in 6 hours). No, what scares me is that this will be the first time for me in Israel, back to my extended family, as a mom. I've always been the "adult" of the kids - it happens when you're the first child, grandchild, and grand grand child. And I've never appreciated much my family's view on child rearing. One example: a few years back, I was visiting my grandmother and my cousin, who was less than a year old then, was there too. I was holding him on my hip, and kissing him on the head distractedly, while talking with one of my other cousins. My great grandmother (she was about a hundred years old, so I am cutting her some slack really), said, "don't kiss the baby so much, it's not good for them". That's my family's view of child rearing. My mom is much better, and she used to play with our hair - but that was the extent of physical closeness we had. My family are not the cuddling kind. But I cuddle with Adam lots, and my husband does come from a more cuddling family (they are, in fact, the exact opposite of my family in that regard, being from Argentina), and so Adam gets lots of unmitigated cuddling.
Our visit is going to include, among other events, my grandfather's memorial, Passover (like Thanks Giving or Christmas, a very family holiday), and my brother's wedding, which is already causing strife (my brother is not talking with my dad, last I heard). I'm getting a migraine just thinking about it...
Not to mention we are staying with my in-laws. They're great, don't get me wrong, and we get along just fine, but 6 weeks in the same house... I don't know. This is going to be trying.
On the other hand, I'm really excited. The weather in Israel is fantastic (too hot most of the time), and we can go hiking, to the beach, and just around and that will be fun. Also, we have quite a few friends who have small babies (it's been that kind of year), so that will be lots of fun too. And, best of all, I'll get lots of breaks cause all the grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncle (just my brother :) will want to hold Adam and play with him and buy him toys :) So it is with mixed feelings that I'm leaving home today, to return after bloom, and to watch my son interact with my family. It's going to be interesting... :)

Evolution or Whose kid is it anyway?

2010-03-14T05:33:00.000-07:00

I think it's amazing how we, as a species, are so equipped for the survival of our young. I mean, mom's body puts the baby in first place from day one - meaning that mom can have iron deficiency, for example, but baby will get all the iron it needs from her body. Same goes for nutrition - I lost some weight during the first months of my pregnancy because I was very nauseous all the time so I ate less. So I ate less, but baby got whatever nutrition he needed, hence me loosing weight. I gained all of it in month 5, nothing to worry about :)
After the birth, a human baby is the most helpless creature in the world. They can't move, let alone find their own food or run (or hide) from predators. What's the mechanism that keeps them alive? Mom! The hormones mom's body secretes during labour and delivery and during breast feeding actually cause mom to bond with the baby - to love her baby! And then, when the baby is 6 weeks old and mom (and dad) think they can't take it anymore what with the lack of sleep and the constant crying and the hurting boobs (that's just mom though), what happens? Baby starts smiling. And all of a sudden, you can do it. It's worth the crying, and the waking up every two hours, and the diapers, and the hurting boobs - that smile is worth the world. And I was hormonal, so I don't count, right? But my husband saw that smile and was on the floor, literally. I love how he admires our son - he'll do anything, and I mean anything, to make him laugh. I think that's the amazing part. With me, nature got to cheat - I have hormones and stuff raging through my body. My husband had none of that, just watching me go through the process. And yet he'll do anything for our baby. So that way, nature ensures our baby will grow and the species evolves.
And now, after almost 5 months, I find that nature still hasn't released that hold over me. Not that I need that - I'm completely and utterly in love with my baby. But every time I think about getting someone else to be with him for a little while because I'm getting tired of entertaining him all day (it's hard work!), he does something new, and I think - but if I'm not there, I'll miss that, and there's no way I'm missing that. For instance, yesterday he was lying in his Gym and playing. After a while of me reading, he started to get bored and protested (he's getting really assertive and doesn't like to be bored). So I started a little kissing game, and he laughed so hard I got into a giggling fit myself. My husband came to take a video (of course), and for a good half hour we were playing with our 5 months old and laughing more than I can remember laughing in a while. So now I can take on an entire week of whining and diapers and waking up at 6am.
Have a good week everyone :)

Writer's block

2010-03-04T05:45:00.000-08:00

I just really liked this one

Breast feeding and women's right?

2010-03-02T09:37:00.000-08:00

So, what started me blogging is an interview I read with Élizabeth Badinter (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Élisabeth_Badinter). She argues that women are going backwards because of the naturalistic movement that compels them to breast feed the baby or feel guilty about it. In general, she says, it's now again a "must" for women to have children and those who chose to not have children are viewed as odd.
I had a pretty rough start in terms of breast feeding, and I have mixed feelings about it. When I was pregnant I was planning on breast feeding, and I was very confident that I will nurse my baby because that's what's best for babies. The recommendations now are exclusive breast feeding until 6 months of age, and keep breast feeding until the baby is a year old. That's a long time, but I was thinking, I don't have to go back to work/school until he's almost a year old, so that would be a good time to wean him.
However, that was before I was actually breast feeding. When Adam was born I started nursing him right away, but by the time he was 4 days old the doctor was concerned that he's not getting enough. We went to a lactation consultant and it turns out I had blocked ducts and not much milk was coming out for him. Now, in addition to being rather painful, this episode also set me up for months (so far, and it will probably last for years) of constant worrying that he's not getting enough milk. Adam, by the way, is a happy, strong, 16 lbs 4 months old (for the baby-less readers: that's a pretty big baby). Yet I'm constantly worried he's not eating enough. But that's for another post.
Anyway, at some point we were considering formula, and the lactation consultant recommended I'd take Domperidone (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domperidone) to increase my milk supply. That really threw me off balance. How does it make sense for me to take a prescription drug, used to treat gastrointestinal problems (which I don't have), just to get the side-effect of increased milk production? At which point did I stop being anything more than a big boob??
To me, this approach, of breast feeding at all costs, is what causes the problem with women's right, and not necessarily breast feeding itself. I still breast feed. Sometimes I like it, and sometimes I hate it. I like it when Adam looks up at me, all full and content, and starts cooing and smiling. I hate it when the latch is not going well and it's friggin' painful. But I have a choice. Being Adam's mom doesn't mean only feeding him. It also means changing his diapers, putting him to sleep, playing with him and making sure he's developing, physically, cognitively, and emotionally, in the best pace for him. Yes, nursing is a part of it, but it's only a part of it, it's not the be-all and end-all of motherhood.
So I think that this "totallistic" approach is what sets us back. By the way, while I'm (now) first and foremost Adam's mommy, I'm still also a woman, a professional, and a part of a family. Diminishing women to just one roll is the problem, and I think women do it just as often as men do. Do you not agree?

What's it all about

2010-03-02T05:35:00.000-08:00

I'm a new mommy, and I would like to write about my experiences and thoughts. Some of the topics I'll try and write about soon: breast feeding, mommy-complaints, baby competitiveness, activities with baby, going back to work.

We'll see how it goes... :)